This short video clip features Jane Nelsen giving the big picture of Positive Discipline by explaining the
5 Criteria for Effective Discipline
Archive for the ‘Teaching Life Skills’ Category
The 5 Criteria for Effective Positive Discipline
Thursday, March 25th, 2010Learning from Wife Swap!
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010The show, “Wife Swap” is almost unbearable for some people to watch. But I love it! I hardly ever make time to watch it, but when I do, I’m glued to my seat until I see how the episode ends. An online article about a teenager who is suing “Wife Swap” prompted me to watch an episode of “Wife Swap” on-line for the first time today.
As usual, I couldn’t move out of my seat until the end of the show. I know, I know, it’s “television” and the drama is intentionally hyped up. Yes, I get all that. But I’m fascinated to see how parents choose to run their homes and raise their kids. I love it when both families can learn SOMETHING from the experience.
The episode I watched today clashed the issues of
Raising Children to be Independent
De-Valuing Glizt & Glamour
against
Pampering Children,
Buying Daily Gifts for Children
Embracing Sparkling Fashion & Outward Beauty
Wow! There were definitely two opposite extremes represented in the two families. You can get the gist of the whole show by watching only the first section which is 9 minutes long.
It was really interesting to me (as some of you might guess) to see how one family enables their daughter to be helpless in many ways.
Upcoming Parenting Class/Parent Workshop in Greenville, SC
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
The PRIDE Parent Enrichment Series is going strong this spring of 2010. Our next four week class (starting February 16) will focus on how to get kids of all ages to be more independent, clean up after themselves, help around the house and learn important life skills. But these topics will also be linked to
healthy self esteem
confidence and
self reliance
for children.
- Did you know that children are less likely to misbehave when they feel needed at home?
- Did you realize that making children more independent and involving them in cleaning the house can lead to better behavior?
- Did you know that children who feel more capable are at lower risk for behaviors such as drug use, unplanned pregnancy and depression?
The name of the class is
Chores Without Family Wars
but will offer so much more to families. During class, parents will learn some of the concepts that link contributing at home to improved behavior, better social interactions with others and a lower risk of social/emotional issues.
Chores Without Family Wars
Essential Life Skills for Teaching Independence
Preparing children for real life means teaching them how to do
laundry, cook, clean, maintain a car and more.
Children who feel capable and genuinely needed
misbehave less than children who are pampered.
This active learning workshop explores the
Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills that promote
self-reliance in children and teens,
teaches family tools for assigning age appropriate chores and
helps parents practice follow-through techniques.
February 16, 23 March 2, 9
6:30 – 8:30 pm
Brookwood Church donates our meeting space and registers parents online for the PRIDE parent enrichment classes. PRIDE is part of the Greenville Hospital System.
If you can’t make this class, you may be interested in “Don’t Flip Your Lid”, the next four week class which starts on March16, 2010. See the classes page of THINK it THROUGH parenting for more information.
52 Parenting Tool Cards in 52 Weeks – Single Dad Brad’s Mission
Monday, January 4th, 2010
Some of you have heard me mention the new “Positive Discipline Tool Cards”. Just as a deck of playing cards has 52 cards, so does the deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards”.
“Single Dad Brad” has decided on a New Year’s resolution to improve his parenting skills one week at a time. Each week, he’ll introduce a new card and work on improving on the skill or concept for raising children using Positive Discipline tools.
For his first week, he’s chosen one of my favorite Positive Discipline tools – JOBS!!!!
Visit Single Dad Brad’s blog and enjoy reading about his journey to improve his parenting skills in 2010 using the 52 Positive Discipline Tool Cards. We all need to work on improvement through baby steps. So Brad isn’t expecting perfection from himself or from anyone who launches the “52 Cards” improvement campaign with him. I know Brad personally and he has a great sense of humor, which he uses often while single parenting.
If you’d like a set of Positive Discipline Tool Cards for yourself, Brad provides a link on his website where you can order a set for $12.95 plus shipping. (Regular Price is $15)
I’m working on an idea to offer a 4 1/2 hour workshop using the Positive Discipline Toolcards so if you’d be interested in a Saturday afternoon parenting workshop in the Greenville, SC area, e-mail me at KellyPfeiffer@THINKitTHROUGHparenting.com and let me know.
The cost would be around $45 per person for the 4 1/2 hour workshop. I travel too so if anyone gets together a group of parents, contact me for details about how I can teach a “Positive Discipline Toolcards Workshop” in your area.
Wheel of Choice Application for Ipod/Itouch/Iphone
Monday, August 10th, 2009
For those who have attended the Positive Discipline “Don’t Flip Your Lid” workshop or have read some of the Positive Discipline books, you’ve been introduced to the “Wheel of Choice”, a wheel drawing on a piece of paper. The wheel is divided into sections and each section has words and a picture to describe one way to solve a conflict between two people (2 children, a child and an adult or even 2 adults). So when a conflict arises, people can look at the wheel to choose a tool that they think would work to solve the problem.
There is a picture of a “Wheel of Choice” at the bottom of this web page about the Indigo Program of the Oak Grove School District in San Jose, CA. Notice that this one has pictures and words which means that pre-readers can use this “Wheel of Choice” to solve problems and I’ve seen 3, 4 and 5 year olds use this tool successfully.
The Sparta Area School District in Sparta, WI website shows a “Wheel of Choice” without pictures and their schoolwide motto is “Wheel Before You Squeal” which encourages students to try to solve a problem on their own using the tools on the wheel before tattling or getting an adult involved.
I was searching the internet recently for “Wheel of Choice” when I came across these two sites with information about the Positive Discipline “Wheel of Choice”.
But my biggest surprise was to find a “Wheel of Choice” download Ipod/Itouch/Iphon application. Costing 99 cents, this wheel does not have pictures and does not have quite as many choices as some other wheels, but that there was a “Wheel of Choice” download at all made my day!
Sharing Toys is Hard at Age Two
Monday, July 6th, 2009
Many parents are frustrated that their two-year-old children don’t share well. Parents often label their child as mean or selfish at age two when children refuse to share toys or food.
If your 2-year-old isn’t good at sharing, they are right on target for their social and emotional development. Two-year-olds haven’t developed the brain power to see things from another person’s perspective. Also at age 2, children are in an important social stage – learning to assert their own rights and personal power. So what looks like “misbehavior” for 2-year-olds is actually typical, normal behavior.
Yes, although the behavior of 2-year-olds is annoying and inconvenient, know that when your 2-year-old doesn’t share, it’s not because she’s bad, mean or selfish and it’s best to avoid labeling children with those words. Two-year-olds are being “2″ when they aren’t sharing.
Read my latest article at the “Inter-Child Relationships” section at Suite101.com
Why Two-Year-Olds Aren’t Good at Sharing Toys:
Understanding Social Development and Typical Behaviors at Age Two
as well as my latest blog post on the Interchild Relationships Blog which is all about understanding social and emotional skill development for infants, twos, threes and preschoolers.
Three-Year-Olds and Friendship Skills
Wednesday, May 13th, 2009Three-Year-Olds can start learning basic friendship skills though they needs lots of practice and supervision to acquire the skills. Read my latest article on Suite101.com:
Friendship Skills for Three-Year-Olds:
Teaching Preschool Children about Taking Turns and Solving Conflicts
Click on the article title above to link to the article on the Suite101.com website.
Making and Keeping Agreements with Teens – Respect is the Key
Friday, January 30th, 2009“Making and keeping agreements” is a great parenting tool to use with teens and can be adapted to use with younger children and in other ways with teens. What I’ve learned the most from teaching this tool in parent workshops is that respect if the key to using this tool. If the tool is used without respect, then the tool won’t work well.
I love analogies and keep thinking of images of “power tools in the garage”. When we use power tools to get things done in the garage or around the house, respect and planning is important. Chain saws do a nice job of cutting through tough issues with efficiency, but it’s important to use a power saw with respect and it’s important to plan ahead to prevent a huge mess or a mistake.
I suppose I need to clarify that the “power” in “making and keeping agreements” doesn’t come by using force or “power over” your teen. Instead the power in “making and keeping agreements” comes from the respect offered when you discuss the agreement and the respect given when you follow through with your part of the agreement. The model of parent respect as well as the model of follow through at the same time is the powerful part. When parents follow through on a previous agreement with respect, the power lies in the modeling and teaching of a relationship and responsibility tool.
After teaching the “making and keeping agreements” tool in class, I looked forward to finding an opportunity to use the tool with my own children. Because I have teenagers, I knew it wouldn’t be long until I’d find an opportunity. When the opportunity arose, I was able to execute my plan with respect. I was able to stay calm while discussing an agreement. It’s important that you know that I had not been successful in staying calm in the past, in sticking to the current issue and in not acting judgmental. But finally I was able to do most all of those things. (I did veer off the current issue for a second, but then steered myself back on target.)
While I was discussing the agreement with my teen, I actually felt a powerful connection happening between us. My teen responded differently than in the past when I had tried to “discuss” things. After the agreement was made, I felt really good — actually proud of myself that I was able to follow through with my plan for how I wanted to maintain respect. It was amazing to me how I felt so much more “power” by staying calm, not demanding my own way and keeping my mind open to the opportunity.
How did I accomplish this? For me it helped to really look at the “problem” as an opportunity to teach my teen something about relationships and responsibility. I can get much more excited about teaching my teen new skills than I can about having to “handle” an issue with my teen. It also may help for you think of yourself as a mentor. There’s probably no where else your teen will be able to learn about respect in relationships if it isn’t from you at this time in their lives. Teens will have a hard time being respectful to others if they don’t have an idea of what it looks like – if they haven’t seen it or really felt it. Give your teen the gift of solving a problem with respect.
The power comes from staying calm.
When you remain composed, you have more power,
actually more influence with your teen.
The steps of “making and keeping agreements” is discussed at length in the book, “Positive Discipline for Teens” and it was very helpful for me to review the steps in the book before I tried this tool.
One of the reasons I love teaching parenting workshops is that I learn so much about being a better parent. This past week was our last session of “Teach Your Children to Fish: Essential Life Skills for Teaching Independence.” This was the first time this particular class was ever held and PRIDE will be offering it again in the future. The class went well and the feedback from the parents told me that the parents enjoyed the class and the learning involved. I learned a lot as well and am excited about teaching this class again. The PRIDE parent workshop calendar isn’t out yet for Fall of 2009 but my guess is that “Teach Your Children to Fish” will be offered either in September, October or November of 2009.
Science Article about One of the 7 Significant Perceptions and Skills – I Can Influence What Happens to Me
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
This article on ScienceDaily.com discusses some research about one risk factor for depression.
When children feel that they have little control or influence over outcomes in their lives,
they are at greater risk for depression.
In the current parenting enrichment workshop,
Teaching Your Children to Fish:Essential Life Skills for Independence,
we have learned about the 7 Significant Perceptions and Skills that are important for lifelong happiness and success. We’ve also learned that people who have very low perceptions and few skills (from the Significant 7 Perceptions and Skills) are at greater risk for difficulties in life such as depressions, drug addiction, unplanned pregnancy and incarceration. Alternatively, people who have very high levels of perceptions and skills (from the Significant 7) are at very low risk for difficulties in life.
The Significant Perceptions and Skills
(developed by Stephen Glenn and found in several books by Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelse)
1. Strong perceptions of personal capabilities – “I am capable.”
2. Strong perceptions of significance in primary relationships – “I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.”
3. Strong perceptions of personal power or influence over life – “I can influence what happens to me.”
4. Strong intrapersonal skills: the ability to understand personal emotions and to use that understanding to develop self-discipline and self-control.
5. Strong interpersonal skills: the ability to work with others and develop friendships through communicating, cooperating, negotiating, sharing, empathizing, and listening.
6. Strong systemic skills: the ability to respond to the limits and consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability, flexibility, and integrity.
7. Strong judgmental skills: the ability to use wisdom and to evaluate situations according to appropriate values.
The Positive Discipline parenting tools help develop all 7 of these importance perceptions and skills that help children and adults be successful and happy in life.
Listen to Jane Nelsen discuss
the Significant Seven for free at the
Positive Discipline podcast page. <–Click Here
Look for and click on podcast #42.
David Walsh Quote on Children Learning Moral Behavior
Friday, July 30th, 2010Photo by Denise Docherty on StockXChange
“Moral behavior is based on relationships,
not rules.”
The sentence above is my favorite so far in David Walsh’s book. No: Why Kids of all Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It.
The sentence that follows the one above is, “In chapter 5, I will spend more time explaining the secure connection that is the basis for discipline and for an effective No.”
My childhood, my life experiences and my training in social and emotional development all support the view that “moral behavior is based on relationships, not rules.”
As some of you may have heard of read, the brain is hard-wired to CONNECT to others. We humans are social creatures and it is within a social setting and social context that children learn (or do not learn) to distinguish between what is moral and what is immoral.
I am eager to read on, to see what Dr. Walsh will share in chapter 5 about the connection between the parent child relationship and moral development. Stay tuned and I’ll let you know the highlights and what I learn.
If you’d like to read with me, the Greenville County Library has several copies of
No: Why Kids of all Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It by David Walsh, Ph.D.
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