I’m the Feature Writer for Inter-Child Relationships on Suite101

June 22nd, 2009

I’ve been writing for the “Partners & Parents” section of Suite101.com as a contributing writer for over a year now. I’m excited to say that I am now the feature writer for the Inter-Child Relationships section of “Partners & Parents”. So I’ll be writing at least one article a week about child interactions with other children including the topics of sibling relationships, bullying behavior, dating, child friendships and more.

Here are some of my latest articles in the Inter-Child Relationships section at Suite101.com:

(Click on the article titles to be redirected to the articles on the Suite101.com website)

Healthy Attachment Helps Children Make Friends

Parent Child Relationship Affects Peer Interaction and Social Skills

Outdoor Summer Preschool Playgroup Ideas

Backyard Activities for Young Children to Foster Social Interaction

 

Friendship Skills for Three-Year-Olds

  Teaching Preschool Children about Taking Turns and Solving Conflicts

Three-Year-Olds and Friendship Skills

May 13th, 2009

Three-Year-Olds can start learning basic friendship skills though they needs lots of practice and supervision to acquire the skills.  Read my latest article on Suite101.com:

Photo by Marinka van Holten, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/505394

Friendship Skills for Three-Year-Olds:

Teaching Preschool Children about Taking Turns and Solving Conflicts

Click on the article title above to link to the article on the Suite101.com website.

Bedtime Routines Benefit Children and Parents

May 10th, 2009

In Positive Discipline parenting classes, we teach the importance of bedtime routines, especially for young children. Also I’ve written a web article,

Bedtime Picture Routine Chart for Children:

A Visual Schedule Helps Children Get Ready for Bed at NightBedtime Routine Chart, Photo by Kelly Pfeiffer

Routines at bedtime and picture routine charts help prevent power struggles at bedtime.

An article on the Science Daily website reports research about how bedtime routines improve sleep in infants and toddlers as well as the mood of the mother!

Enjoy reading and begin implementing a bedtime routine for your child. You’ll be giving a gift to your child and to yourself!

Bedtime Routines Improve Sleep in Infants and Toddlers, Maternal Mood

Click on the article titles above to link to the articles.

 

Sibling Rivalry, Sibling Fights and Sibling Relationships

April 20th, 2009

If you have more than one child, you’re probably well aware that sibling relationships involve sibling rivalry and sibling fights at times. In the future, I will be writing more articles about child to child relationships including sibling relationships.

I’m now the Feature Writer for the Inter-Child Relationships section of Suite101.com. I’ll be writing about friendship issues, peer issues and all aspects of child development that relate to relationships among children.

Check out my two latest articles on the subject of sibling relationships. Simply click on the article titles below to link to the articles on the parenting section of Suite101.com.

 Photo by Benjamin Earwicker, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/796263

Parent Quality Time Helps Sibling Relationships:

Spending Special Time Reduces Jealously among Children

 



Photo by Marinka van Holten, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/505394

Anger Wheel for Fighting Siblings

Positive Discipline Tool Helps Angry Children Choose to Calm Down


Instead of Punishing Teens, Teach Responsibility to Teens

April 15th, 2009

Today, I link you to one of my latest articles about discipline for teens. Many parents keep punishing teens and wonder what punishments will yield the best results to help teens learn. This article explains how punishment doesn’t usually do a very good job of holding children accountable and what actions can do a better job of teaching responsibility to teens.

Click on the article words below to link to the article on the Suite101.com website.

Photo by Dawn Allynn, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/965945

Teach Responsibility Instead of Punishing Teens:

Making Restitution Better at Holding Children Accountable

Use Chuck Norris Jokes to Connect with Your Teen

April 7th, 2009

Chuck Norris, Photo by Corporal Lynn MurilloBecause I live with four teenagers, I’m always learning something new about teens and teen culture.

Last week, I learned about “Chuck Norris jokes” at our dinner table.

AND I had some article deadlines at Suite101, so I decided to write an article for the Parenting Teens section about the popularity of Chuck Norris jokes among teens.

Read the article and start having fun with your teens or preteens by telling some Chuck Norris jokes.

Click on the article title below to be directed to the article on Suite101.com

Chuck Norris Jokes Popular with Teens:

Entertain Teens with Chuck Norris Facts

Good Reasons for Parents to Say “No” to Kids

March 17th, 2009

Some parents mistakenly think that using Positive Discipline means not saying “no” to your child. Setting limits is part of a parent’s job and sometimes the answer from a parent to a child is simply “no”.

parentchildtalk800.jpgHere are some good reasons for parents to say “no” to kids:

1. When Safety is an Issue: A parent’s job is keep a child safe. (Please don’t confuse this with the overprotective movement that is sweeping through parental culture.)  When truly safety is an issue, parents - simply say “no”. Our neighborhood/subdivision pool has no life guard. I have four teenagers. At some time or another, a teen has asked if they can go to the pool alone. I said, “no”. I’m a big believer in the “never swim alone” rule. Our teens can go to the pool with another teen and they must take a cell phone with them. (There is also a land line at the pool as health and safety laws require it.)

2. When a Request is Last Minute and Requires a lot from You: Kids, especially teens often think up grandiose plans at the last minute which require parents to drive kids somewhere, run to the store for school project supplies, etc. Parents, it’s okay to say “no” and I encourage it, even if your child will get a low grade on a school project.  If your child didn’t plan ahead, it’s not your job to make up for it. Allow your child to learn from the mistake they made. Some parents don’t want their kids to miss out on fun stuff either. If your child asks you for a ride to a get together or party at the last minute, you don’t have to say “yes”. You can say, “No, I won’t take you, but if you can get a ride, you can go,” or you can simply say, “No, you can’t go this time.”

3. Your Gut Tells You It’s Not a Good Idea: You don’t always have to have a good reason. There have been times when I just didn’t “feel” like the idea was a good one. Sometimes I couldn’t put my finger on it as to why I didn’t feel comfortable, but that didn’t matter. Sometimes I think I sensed that my teen wasn’t telling all of the details or was purposely leaving out some information.  But if something doesn’t “feel” or “sound” right, go ahead and say “no”. Parents often think they need a really good reason to say “no”. Some parents feel guilty if they think they aren’t always being fair. Sometimes the world is communicating to us in a subtle way.

4. When Kids Make Promises: “But I promise I will ask you in advance the next time.”; “I promise I’ll answer my cell phone this time when you call.”; “I promise I’ll won’t talk rudely to you again.” Whatever it is kids are making promises about, don’t accept promises. Children and teens don’t have the fortitude to follow through with promises. I’m sure they’d like to fulfill the promise and have really good intentions. But it is the rare child who can make a promise, remember it the next day and the next and do something proactive about the promise. Don’t get me wrong, children mean well. I encourage parents to give children positive intent. But don’t give children credit when credit is not due. They are still kids. Parents, don’t make a decision based on a promise that a child makes. Make decisions based on a child’s actions, not their words.

Arguing Back - A Common Parenting Mistake

March 10th, 2009

 

Learn why arguing back is an ineffective parenting tool and what to do so you don’t argue back with children.

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Many parents tell me that their children often argue with them. Parents, you are often “getting hooked” into an argument by arguing back.

Many parents mistakenly think they are using a “Positive Discipline tool” when they “reason” and “explain things” to their children. But often what happens instead is an argument.

Telling reasons for our decisions certainly does help children understand cause and effect. On the other hand, I don’t advocate the “because I said so” method either.

Here are some tips when offering “reasons” to our kids.

1. Keep it Simple:  Be short and to the point.  Parents like to talk  and can find themselves droning on and on in explanation. “It’s not safe” is a short, simple answer that works for many decisions we make as parents. Other short explanations: “I don’t have time.”, “This is too last minute for me.”, “I’m not willing to spend money on it.”

2. Say it Once: Parents tell me time and time again that they say the same things over and over again and then wonder, “How many times do I have to tell you . . .?”  Stop repeating your answers and reasons.  Examples of what to do or say instead: “Asked and answered.”, “What was my answer?”, “I’m not willing to discuss this anymore.”, Simply walk out of the room. (Also don’t get in the habit of repeating the “Asked and answered” phrases either. Say it once. Give a second reply such as, “What was my answer?” and then don’t argue your point.)

3. Stop Convincing Your Child: Your child is not going to agree with your answers on many occasions.  It’s okay if your child doesn’t agree. Parents often want their child to “understand” the decision or “agree” with the decision. Most of the time, it’s not gonna happen. That’s why kids “need” parents - to make the important decisions. Your child doesn’t need to “see your side” of the decision.  So offer a simple reason if you want or if your child asks, but stop the explaining to your child about why your decision makes sense. If your child is upset because of your decision, they are focused on their emotions; They aren’t interested in being convinced.  Even when they ask questions like, “But why?”, they really mean, “But I REALLY WANT TO and I CAN’T BELIVE YOU SAID NO!”

4. Think it Through before Answering: Sometimes parents immediately say “no” as a habit. After parents “think it through“, they decide, “Wow, what my child is asking is really okay.” Then the parent either has to stick with the original answer or go back and change their mind. Either is okay, but it’s simpler to take time to think through the answer before giving it. Also be cautioned that when parents change their minds a lot, kids get the idea that parents are wishy washy and can be swayed to change their mind, which of course invites more arguments from kids. “Give me a minute to think about it,” is a fine answer and so is, “Come back in three minutes and I’ll let you know.”

5. Disengage: Stop engaging in arguments with kids by walking away, walking out of the room, giving a short, clear statement such as, “I’m not willing to talk about this anymore” or even offering a hug (if it would be well received).

6. Give Permission for Disappointment: In some of the role plays in the Positive Discipline parenting classes, the person playing the parent role has a cue card that prompts the “parent” to say, “It’s okay to be disappointed.” In parent fantasy land, parents imagine that it’s possible for kids to accept all answers with dignity, respect and grace. Parents want children to “wipe that look off their face”, “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”, etc. Somewhere along the line, parents got the idea that it is possible for all kids to “take it like a man” when being told “no” about something. When you give an answer that you know your child doesn’t like, you can follow up with a simple statement such as, “It’s okay to be disappointed” or “I know you’re disappointed about that”. We’re all disappointed about things in our lives. In the long run, it’s better “emotional education” to help children label their feelings and allow children to have the feelings. Many parents express fear at this notion because they are afraid that children will be “more emotional” every time parents tell a child “no“. This is one of those situations where I have only ever observed the opposite. Once children are given permission to have feelings, they feel validated and “push their emotions” less onto parents. Children are often also expressing strong emotions to push a guilt or anger button in their parents. When parents actually say “it’s okay to have the feelings”, then there’s no button to be pushed.

If you use one of these tips and experience success either in a change in your feelings or a change in your behavior or your child’s behavior, e-mail me at contact@THINKitTHROUGHparenting.com! Share your success story so others can learn from you.

Have a great week with you kids.

Kelly

The Importance of Play in Learning and Healthy Child Development

March 4th, 2009

With all of the media hubbub about test scores and achievement, parents may worry that kids aren’t doing enough schoolwork, reading, memorization, etc. But plenty of research and theory suggests that play is equally important to healthy child development and possibly more so than structured learning activities. 

Photo by Keegan, http://www.morguefile.com/archive/?display=149536&Through play, the brain solve problems, creates new ideas and uses its creative and imaginative parts. As well, play with others develops social skills, helps kids read facial and non-verbal cues, teaches relationship dynamics. Play also releases endorphins, the brain’s “feel good” chemicals necessary to prevent depression and anxiety.

I am a Certified Master Child Care Trainer for the South Carolina Child Care Training System which means that I train child care providers for their continuing education requirements each year. I rely on best practices standards from the National Association for the Education of Young Children, which promote the importance of play in the early childhood classroom. Young children learn best through play.

When educators say “play”, parents often think play means running around. Children love to “play” with all kinds of things: blocks, water, sand, art supplies, math manipulatives, music, science concepts and more. Children even “play” with numbers when they do math.  It depends on how the math activity is approached as to whether the math activity is “learning through play” or “learning through formal instruction”. Children can “play” with words to write, create poetry, make puns.

It also turns out that adequate play time enhances formal instruction time. It makes sense that children who are antsy and agitated in the classroom from sitting for long periods of time would be less attentive than children who got to relieve stress through play and recess time.

Here are links to four articles on the web about the importance of play for different age levels. Articles include information about preschoolers and school age children.

Click on the article text and your browser will be directed to the article.

girlclimbingonplayground800.jpg All Work and No Play Makes for Troubling Trend in Early Education

The Serious Need for Play

Daily School Recess Improves Classroom Behavior

Physically Fit Kids Do Better in School

Teen Sexual Harassment at Work - More Risky than the Internet

February 27th, 2009

Photo by Rich Legg,www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup.php?id=7877826Parents, did you know that your teen daughter is more at risk for sexual harassment at her part-time job than on the internet?

When teens begin working at their first job, parents stress things such as “be on time”, “do what the boss tells you”, etc.  Very few parents consider that their teen daughter is in a high risk category for sexual harassment.

This issue is so important to me that I wrote an article on the parenting teens section of Suite101.com about it. PBS NOW recently aired a documentary type broadcast about teens and sexual harassment on the job.  In my article, I provide a link to the PBS NOW website where parents can watch a 20 minute preview of the broadcast.

If you have a teen daughter who works, take time to watch the preview video. If you have friends with teen daughters who work, please forward them the link to the article.

The article includes a link to “suggestions for parents” to help parents prepare their daughters for the world of work and to educate daughters about their rights at work.

Click on the article title words below to be directed to the article.  

 Teen Sexual Harassment at Work:

PBS NOW Reports Risk of Sexual Abuse on the Job for Teen Girls

 

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